Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Noises That Are Different

"Don't know", today. Out last night, today - slept. Tears pop and roll. A candle, a prayer and men blowing badly. Hormones behaving badly. A bath, a conversation, some sanding, food. Blankets and cushions and incense; tucking under. Nightdress and t-shirt, cardigan and socks. Helping, helping, helping; listening. Always listening. Smiling. Dad. Dead. Thinking, reading, listening; lectures in accents. Records of biscuits and smiles made of card.

Hair's longer. Now. Piled high on top, nesty. Birdy. Eyes red and raw from staring. My face whiter - sallow. Nails short and painted, pretty in pink. Neat. Cultured. I slept long, messed up my day. Foot fell forward, badly. Dodging bank, creeping calls. Connection always stalling, noises that are different. Jumping, thinking: "skitty". Kitty-cat. Come back. Nothing in its place and a place for everything. Black things, crawling. Shifty. Worry, worry, worry. Project pinned. Fight they don't. Quieter. Quitter-er.

Visitors came, gifts a plenty. Tea with two closesnesses. A calming brown, a hand applied. Bandage me emotional. No money, benefits cut - no warning, no money for food. Ha. Films and eyes near off concentration. Always worked. Working, busy me. Workety - work, work, work. Falling down. No mouth to eat. Sown over. Plants watered, they know it's spring. Songs for the sinners and sinners for the songs. Eyes closed, brain soft, medication kicking. Softer, still, now heavy. Drifting away. Far. Away. Go Away. Come again another day.

Water floating. Arms out, look up they say. Up, up. Don't look down. Red coated girl. Birthday's baking, making fat boys and skinny girls. Awful. Notes in window games. Smiling. Happier times. Babies in bellies. Naming the missing ones. They won't come along. Far. "You've come far" Remember the bad to see good. Had a God. Until... Sinners. Don't look. Look away now. Close eyes. Peeper.

1 comment:

MasterQ said...

I wish I could write like this, deep nonsense that makes sense. I may have to plagiarize. :)